To get to know me

Yes, I realize that this is a childish myspace game, and really who myspaces anymore?! But to cure the doldrums and for others to know a bit more about me that I am sure they don't care to know I am doing one of "those" questionnaires for the hell of it! (and because I have had a few drinks of crown!)

Body:

Are there any words on your shirt? No, I am pretty against shirts with words on them.  Unless I am at the "night job" and its a beer or liquor shirt. How many tattoos do you have? 1 for now, the 2nd is drawn  up Are you anything like you were at this point last year? Not even close Do you enjoy late night phone conversations? Sometimes, but nothing beats being in bed with someone and plotting the future, even if its just the next day. Were you happy when you woke up today? When I wake up in the morning and my feet hit the floor then I am usually pretty happy to be alive. What were you doing at 5 this morning? Sleeping What do you wanna name your future daughter? I won't have a future daughter, I am all done.  Had any of my boys been a girl it would have been Annalee Jo Who were the last people you rode in the car with that were under 21? My 3 boys, every single day almost Where do you wish you were right now? In a very sane part of the world where clothing is optional and the sun is guaranteed. Are there any bruises on your body? Yes, I am a klutz so thats an easy yes almost always. Does it bother you when someone lies to you? Yes, whats the point? Have you ever punched a hole in the wall? Sure Have and it hurt! Who were you talking to the last time a conversation brought you to tears? HA! Lately damn near anyone!  Mostly I do it all by myself though, I like privacy. Are you single? I am not, I have "the boyfriend" he is amazing, end of story :D Would you be able to live with one of your best friends and not wanna kill them? I actually doubt it.  I am a picky Bitch Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? I kissed my boys goodnight and hope to do that for as long as they live with me;) adult kiss?  You bet he better stick around for five million more, our kisses just match up too well. Did your last kiss take place on a bed? No Do you find smoking unattractive? It is, and yet I still do it. Do you think anyone has feelings for you? Feelings?  You bet, hate is a feeling!  Love as well.  I am hoping I have some of each of those to keep me balanced. When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? Every Single Day Have you ever taken a picture of yourself kissing someone?Yes!  And I am an adult but damn we look adorable doing it! You're locked in a room with the person you last kissed, any problems? Nope none at all!!!! How has this past weekend been for you? Its was awesome I was in the mountains in a beautiful cabins and riding snowmobiles!  Yup it was freaking fantastic! Do you have memories you don't wanna let go of? All of them! Who was the last person you said you "hated?" MY EX HUSBAND Who do you have texts from in your inbox? how dumb is this? Too much crown?  I realize that why am I answering this and who would care?  Ok I am game, all in.  "the boyfriend" my dad, my wife (aka best friend) two sisters and ok I am not looking thats off top of my head. Next time you will kiss someone? Tonight Could you handle living together with the last person who texted you? Of course I already do What if your ex was in a relationship? Dear God, I could only hope!  Please let him find happiness so he doesn't have to try to piss me off at every turn. What was the last thing you drew on a fogged up window? :) Does anyone owe you money? Nope, have I given out money?  Yes, I never expect it back if I don't have it to give I don't. Were the last group of people you hung out with older or younger? younger they were my spectacular children Do you think it makes you weak if you cry? YES!  I hate it Could you go the rest of your life without doing any drugs? legal ones?  No! Is it ever too late to apologize? No Want someone back in your life? Thats pretty personal?  Yes, I do a very good friend I miss. Is there anyone you would seriously punch right now if you had the chance? Yes....over and over agin in the face!!!! Can you get over people easily? Not really Do you sleep with or without clothes on? without Was you last kiss drunk or sober? Sober Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? Yes If someone wanted to tell you how they felt, would you listen? Always Would you rather be called honey or baby? Darlin' is my favorite.  But usually baby Do you like waking up and having new text messages? No Is your current hair color your natural hair color? I have no idea, guessing no. Could you eat nothing but grilled cheese for a week straight? It would fill me up, I wouldn't like it. Where was the last place you went besides your house? Wrestling match at the high school for my middle boy. Would you rather have long or short hair? Either Do you want children? I have some thanks :D Do you like movie nights? Sometimes yes. Is there anyone who doesn't like you? Yes!. Do you have any text messages that you don't want other people reading?No, wait there is that one about batteries.  Nah, just kidding read what you want. Any locked messages? Yes, a few they make me feel good when I need them. Did you know that you can find out how to make meth on the internet? Duh! Do you still talk to the person you were dating 6 months ago? Well yeah Would you ever get matching tattoos with someone you were serious with? Hmm, probably not. Could you stay in the same relationship for over a year? Yes and have. Did you ever lose a best friend? Yes Whose bedroom were you in last in? Ours Would you be able to name everyone you kissed in '09? well thats asking alot!  I spent part of that year not so sober!  Ok so yeah probably ;)  Just kidding yes I could. Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize? No, and never will I have accepted that Is there a difference between love and in love? Yes What are your favorite brand of jeans? Lucky or Silvers for now. What's most important in a relationship: trust or happiness? Trust!!! Do you really know how heartbreak feels? Yes I do it hurts and sucks and they don't make a pill for that! Do you tend to hold things against people? Not really often. and now that I feel really lame for even answering those I am going to call it a night! Do I feel better?  No!  Was I entertained for a few minutes?  Sadly, Yes.

I miss my sounding board! I miss my momma!

I miss this lady

My mother was the greatest sounding board ever.  She would make me feel better without coddling me, but in the event someone was wrong she wouldn't hesitate to tell me I was dealing with a dumb ass!

Today has been dumb ass central!  Dealing with my ex has always been like dealing with a two year old that had his toy taken away.  Tonight he made me feel like a horrible mother, made me doubt myself and cut me down in front of a Kindergarten teacher!

After never, ever in our life showing up for a parent teacher conference he shows up tonight without warning.  Cool, so he is going to take an interest in the kids' education?  Awesome.  Wrong again, it was a chance to belittle me in front of others.  He showed up a few minutes before me and when the teacher was offering to make copies of the report card he turned around and said, "oh I didn't know you would care enough to BOTHER showing up!"  What the HELL!  I have been to every single one, never ever missed one.  I have the boys all week and make sure homework is done, they are fed, they make it to activities (that I pay for) and get them to school on time.  I put the work into it and have very little of the down time, the fun no schedules time.  It took me quite awhile to come to grips with this, to realize I know I am doing my job and doing it well!  I kick ass at this mom stuff, its the one thing I can for sure pride myself on!  

So where does my mom come into that?  Why does it make me miss her more?  She would have been able to calm me down quicker, she would have made me feel better and had witty come backs for next time it happens.  She would have made me feel valuable.   I miss her advice most of all her shoulder I was able to lean on.  She was a woman of strength and had enough for all of us.

In these days we have had that have been tough.  Where everyone (family) is bickering where I get to play middle man, she would have put it all in perspective.  She would have either had it all lined out or fixed or she would have known what part of it was worthy of blowing off.

I wonder how long it takes to be a wise momma like that?  Or is it just a natural talent and I am wound too tight to ever be like her?  Did she have these moments of self doubt?  She might have but it never showed.  That lady was able to put one foot in front of the other and just get it done, whatever it took!  She faced down single motherhood, working multiple jobs.  Raising three girls, met a wonderful man (my dad) and well she survived me.  She stared illness in the face and fought it like a champ, and let it beat her with grace.  She knew when to slam and lock the door from nurses and sneak out to go fishing to save her own sanity.  She was a lady, a mom and a true champ.  And I will never measure up to all that, and I just wish so hard tonight that I had her shoulder to lean on.

So, about sums it up.  I miss my momma.  Eventually, hopefully by the end of the night I will be able to shrug it off and and go back to being the best I can be.  Hopefully she will touch my thoughts in some way and let me know she is still with me.  After all momma even gone moved a train for me :D (thats a story for another day, soon!)

PS  My 2 youngest boys got straight A's and are doing wonderful!  My 6th grader thats in honors everything pulled all a's and a B+  my 6th grade brainy boy who is in pre-algebra right now is being recommended for Algebra next year and is on track to have most of his high school math done before he is a freshman and able to start college math classes!  I like to think I had a hand in their brains and work ethic!